


Coming Back For You

by steelneena



Series: CR 2 Oneshots and Short Series [7]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Nott's backstory stuff, Spoilers for 49(?), i have so many feels., i love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 10:56:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17559047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steelneena/pseuds/steelneena
Summary: One message isn't quite enough.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written to Brave by Riley Pearce from Nott's official playlist. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94GmmzhZsko
> 
> Sam Riegel gave me so many feels.

Nott stared up at the cave ceiling, hands folded and crossed over her stomach. She’d never gotten over what it was like to be able to see in darkness, how she could see more than just forms and shapes, but details. Unnerving as it was, and especially  distracting when one was trying to fall asleep, that night, she welcomed it. Anything to take her mind off of what was happening. Caduceus had friendly-like asked if she wanted to keep her flask or if she wanted him to hang onto it. She’d handed it over with a sizable amount of trepidation, but it felt like a weight off her shoulders, and she knew that he was right. That she needed a clear head for what was to come. 

A clear head for Luke. For Yeza. 

Yeza who was, at that very moment, somewhere dark where he had to be quiet, and alone and worried and-

Nott bit her lip, twisting her shirt into a ball between her fingers before rolling over and sitting up. For once, Caleb was sleeping well, and, after they’d had, Nott wasn’t about to risk waking him. Quiet as she was able, she crept through the confines of the hut and over to where Beau, Jester and Yasha were piled in a heap. Stepping carefully around their companions, Nott dared put one hand on Jester’s shoulder, shaking the snoring woman from her sleep as gently as she was able. 

Snorting once briefly (and adorably) Jester shifted and cracked open an eye. “Nott?” she whispered. “What’s going on?” 

Fidgeting side to side, Nott glanced over her shoulder. “Can we talk? Out...out...elsewhere?” 

“Oh! Of course!” 

Jester followed her lead and stepped carefully through the hut until they were both standing out in the cave. After a moment’s time where they made sure that they would be safe, Jester glance expectantly at Nott. “Is something wrong?”

“Can…” Nott squeezed her eyes shut tightly. “Let’s go a little farther down. I need to sit.” 

Once they were settled in a dark spot along the empty tunnel, Jester scrutinized her. “Sooo…”

“I want to send another message.” The determination in her voice managed to even surprise Nott herself. “I need- I need him to know, Jester. I  _ need _ it. Gods, he must be frightened and alone and I  _ can’t _ -” her voice cut off into a strangled sob. “ _ I can’t lose him _ .” 

Hot tears ran in rivulets down her cheeks and she wiped furiously at them with, attempting to compose herself. “He needs me, Jester. Yeza needs me and I can’t abandon him now.” 

“Oh Nott,” Jester leaned forward and took her hand, encompassing it between her own. “He knows that we’re coming for him. You told him to have hope, remember?” 

“Yes but…” More than anything, she wanted him to be able to hear her voice, despite knowing that wasn’t going to be possible. But there were alternatives. “I need him to know it’s me. That I’m coming for him. Please?” 

“He is your husband, Nott. Of course I will. Of course. You don’t even have to ask. Just...tell me what to say.” 

Breathing out heavily, Nott let her eyes flutter shut, trying to immerse herself in the fragmented remnants of the memory. Yeza’s soft smile, brimming with tender joy, the feel of his hand on her cheek… 

“Tell him...This message is from Veth. When we opened the Apothecary…no...scratch that.” For a moment, she curled and uncurled her fists. “Veth says that she broke her promise. But that she’s trying to make up for it. And that...She-she’s s-s-so sorry. And lo-ves him v-very much.” 

Jester counted off the words on her fingers and shook her head. “Too long. I can cut some words though, if that’s okay?”

Hurriedly, Nott nodded; if they waited longer, she might lose her nerve and if she lost her nerve then Yeza would be alone in the silence dark again and he’d be afraid and she  _ couldn’t _ lose him again and-

“Veth says she broke her promise but she’s trying to make up for it. She’s so sorry and loves you so very much.”

Then came that agonizing silence again, the wait where they held their breaths baited, and the beat of her heart in her chest skipped about erratically because he could already be dead, he could already be gone and he would never know and she  _ couldn’t bear it _ -

There was a moment where Jester’s brows twitched and she looked like she was listening. When she finally smiled over at her, Nott could see that Jester’s eyes shone with unshed tears. 

“Yeza says that he doesn’t understand, but he’s just happy you’re okay. And he knows that you are coming back for him.” 

_ “I’ll come back for you! I will come back for you, I promise- go! Take Luke and go!”  _

_ “Veth!”  _

_ “Go!”  _

_ “But the goblins-” _

_ “They’re coming! Go!” _

_ “I love you.” _

Hiding her face, Nott let herself weep with relief. 

“He loves you.” 

Nott’s thin shoulders were shaking uncontrollably and a hitching sob broke surface at the back of her throat. Suddenly, warmth encompassed her and she felt Jester’s steady heart beat beneath her ear and her hands rubbing comforting circles on her back and her heavily accented voice lightly whispering comforting nothings. 

It had been so long since she’d really wept for what she’d lost. 

It was a relief instead to weep for the things she finally had a chance at recovering. Every shiny bauble, every addition to her collection was  _ nothing  _ in comparison to how dear her family was in her heart. She could almost hear him, over Jester’s voice. 

_ “I love you, Veth _ .” 

Soft spoken, Yeza was the gentle rain to her blistering fire, the soft wave of grass to her swooping bird, the tender touch to her passionate caress. How did it almost hurt worse knowing that he was so close? That he didn’t - couldn’t- understand. That she would have to...to… 

“We will get him back, Nott. I promise.” 

“I know.” Nott managed. “I’ll get him back if I have to die trying. I-I’ve done it once. I’d do it again. I just want...I want him to  _ hold _ me again. Jester, if you knew what it was…” 

“Then tell me.” 

Pulling away a moment to look Jester in the eyes, Nott blinked up owlishly at her. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe she could tell more stories. “Alright.” She said. It was going to be okay. Everything would be okay. 

Yeza would hold on and soon they’d all be together...for a little while at least. 

But it was enough. 

It would have to be. 

For now. 

Eventually, someday, she would come back for real. Someday. 

Soon. It would be soon. 

She could feel it in her bones. 

Maybe, just maybe, until then, when she could hold him tightly once more, Nott could be brave.

 


	2. 2

 

Every night, as they were able, Jester sent a message. Nott sat anxiously beside her, hands over her mouth and face as she waited out the terrifying duration between Jester’s last word and her first indication that Yeza responded.

Sometimes, she got nothing more than a ‘yes’, whispered softly. Others he would try and give information in short, clipped phrases. How many there might be, if they’re on guard. There was one night where he didn’t respond at all and the emotions within Nott boiled up into conflicting desires to go absolutely still and quiet, or to cry and cry and cry and snitch back her flask from Caduceus and drink herself into oblivion. The next morning, Jester tried again, without even asking.

 _“I’m sorry.”_ was all they got back that time, but it was confirmation that he was alive, still waiting for them to come for him.

The absolute miracle was that they managed to catch up in the first place. They’d split off from the underground river a while back, would have lost the trail if Yeza hadn’t responded that night. It didn’t seem as though the Krynn knew that they were being pursued, but they couldn’t be too careful. Caduceus was laying flat on the ground with his ear in the soil listening for vibrations around a curving portion of tunnel when they finally realized that, had they taken but a few step further forward, they could potentially have been seen.

Nott’s heart rabbitted against the confines of her rib cage so furiously she thought she die right then and there. He was so close, she could feel it. One message later - “Be ready” - and his reply - “I will” - and Nott was creeping forward through the darkness. Just one wrong step and they’d be sure to see her. As Caleb had pointed out, a subterranean dwelling race was highly likely to see well in the dark, so it would be no advantage to her. In fact, it would be nothing but a hindrance, because Yeza would be blind in the dark.

It was too dangerous to take a peek into the dodecahedron and too dangerous for them all to go in at once. The plan was first to get him out, sabotage their means of travel if possible and then to get as far away as they could before the absence of their captive could be discovered.

Nott went in alone. Swathed in her dark, clinging robes, and covered by the dark, she debated with that unwise, terrified part of her soul.

Ultimately, she needed the spell.

When Nott saved her husband, she did it as a goblin.

To his credit, he was silent even when she placed a finger to his lips.

She could see him, but he couldn’t see her. He looked around wildly, eyes darting back and forth but she made no move save to start to work on his bindings, trying not to dwell on how unhealthily thin he already looked, or how, even after the week he’d spent below as a captive, his sideburns were shorter than they ought to have been were they growing out from the length he usually liked to keep them. She almost didn’t notice the silent tears on her cheeks, as they suffused into the wrappings she kept over her skin. Consciously, she lifted him by the arm to help him stand, fingers pressed close together in the hopes that he mightn’t notice that there were only four digits wrapped there. Briefly, he stumbled, but she caught him and tugged him gently along, leading him out of the tent back the way that she’d come.

She could hear the Krynn speaking in their own tongue casually, and pressed Yeza up against a wall tightly, making of her body a shield, useless though it might have been.

Only by some miracle did they make it out of the camp without being discovered. Even when she led him through their own party, waiting on a hair trigger to fight if need be, they remained absolutely quiet backtracking through the dark as fast as they were able to go. Jester tapped her shoulder once and, reluctantly, Nott passed her terrified, shaking husband over to her friend and they stepped through an arcane door into the ether beyond. Only then did she collapse to the ground, coursing adrenaline surging through her veins leaving her a shaking, weeping mess for the second time in as many days. Beau lifted her up then and they kept moving at a much fast pace while Jester got as far ahead as she was able. They would protect the rear and Nott would trust her to get Yeza out.

Somehow they managed it. Maybe they lost them at the river, maybe elsewhere. However it happened, the only thing that matter was that they _had_ lost them. Maybe they decided they still had their beacon and that it wasn’t worth it to go back for one measly little halfling.

Nott prayed to whatever anyone believed in that they would just let it go.

Light broke in the greater cave, where the few crownsguard they’d left there over two weeks ago were looking at them with wild eyes. Nott hung back in the shadows, biting her lip, debating.

When she finally left, she wore the same gnomish guise as she’d gone in with.

There was Yeza, looking around for her undoubtedly, only for his face to fall when he didn’t find her round, nut-brown face anywhere.

“We’re all here?” Fjord asked, looking around. “Alright, let’s head back to the inn and pick up our cart. Jester, did you tell him that we’ve got to make for Alfield?”

Just as Jester was about to speak, Yeza spoke up, and Nott nearly broke down into tears right there.

“We’re not all here! Where’s my wife? Where’s Veth? You promised me-” He whirled on Jester. “-that she’d be here!”

Nott hid her face in Caleb’s robes.

“Where is she?” Instead of angry or upset, Yeza sounded only sad.

“I did promise you and I meant it. But first we have to go get the cart. Okay?”

Caleb put his hand on her head soothingly “Are you alright, Schatz?”

Furiously, she shook her head. “No.”

When they arrived back at the Inn, she broke reluctantly from Caleb, who went inside to settle the difference for the time that they were gone and the rest piled into the cart. Nott could feel Jester and Caduceus’ eyes on her particularly heavily. Watching from a distance, Nott waited for Yeza to climb into the cart before going around the front to the horses where he couldn’t see her and changed herself back into the woman she had been.

What would he think of her? What would he say, when she told him she couldn’t stay? How could she possibly justify it?

Swallowing her nervousness hard, Nott made her way to the back of the cart again. Beau nodded at her solemnly. “We’ll stay out here. You, uh, you let us know, when you’re ready to head to Alfield.”

“Thank you, Beauregard.”

“You got it.”

And Nott climbed into the cart, disappearing behind the privacy of the charm.

Yeza’s back was to her. He stood on his toes, peering over the edge at the left-hand corner, looking out at the destroyed remains of their Apothecary in morose silence.

Pushing back the tears, Nott cleared her throat and he whirled around, startled.

“Oh, Veth…is it you? Is it really you?”

 _No_ , whispered the voice in her head. _No, it’s Nott._

Soft, voice quavering, she nodded. “Yes. Yes, Yeza.”

He took one tentative step forward.

She wanted to fly to him, wanted to fling her arms around his neck and shake and sob and apologize, but her feet felt like they were nailed to the planks of the cart and she didn’t move.

“Oh _Veth_ , where’ve you been?” Another step closer.

“I...I couldn’t come back. The goblins...they…” She looked away. “I couldn’t come back. I’m sorry I broke my promise. I always meant to come back! I did! I still do! I just...can’t.”

He looked hard at her with his soft face and soft eyes and soft hair, twisting the edge of his dirt stained, and ash covered tunic between soft, gentle fingers.

“Can’t? You’re...you’re not-”

Whatever he said next was lost. _You’re Nott._

“Veth? Are you alright?” Concern was written across his features as if he had no other expression to provide.

Silently, holding frantically onto the sob threatening to escape, she shook her head and shut her eyes. She couldn’t tell him. She couldn’t. She couldn’t. She-

Gentle arms wrapped around her, one hand on her back and the other caressing her head, petting at her hair, shushing sounds and pet names floating like dandelion seeds on the breeze from his lips to her ears as she broke down and sobbed, letting the flood overtake and overwhelm her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. For everything.”

“You’re here now, that’s what matters.”

_But I’m not. I’m Nott._

Any minute, he could touch her just the wrong way and notice that something wasn’t right, that though she looked like his wife, she wasn’t. He would notice and he would recoil and then it would be too late and he’d be lost to her forever.

She waited.

It didn’t happen.

After a while, she noticed that Yeza was crying too, his tears dampening her hair, plastering it to her cheek. “I missed you so much, honeysuckle.”

She pushed out of his arms reflexively at the name, flinching when she noticed the look of hurt on his face. “I’m not what you think.”

“Is this cause of the goblins? Is it why...why you couldn’t come back?”

It had to come out eventually. She never wanted him to know, never, never ever. “What they did...I _want_ to come home, so badly, Yeza, like you wouldn’t believe.”

“What did they do? What...what happened. How are you alive?”

It _had_ to happen.

So, she told him, standing an arm length away, watching as his face revealed all each and every spike of emotion. Glutton for punishment, she watched him carefully, but there was no flash of disgust, not even pity. Only deep sadness.

And when she was done, he put out a hand and she placed hers in his.

“Show me. I want to see you.”

And, more bravely than she'd ever been in her whole life, she revealed herself, green skin and yellow eyes and stringy dark hair and waited. Waited for disgust and fear.

Anything.

His eyes traveled her face carefully, as if looking for something.

“I love you Veth.”

Shocked, she spluttered. “How can you? How can _anyone_ when I'm like this?”

“Because,” he began taking a step forward, placing a hand over her heart. “ _You_ are in here. I can see you, even if you can’t see yourself. I married you and I love you, no matter what.”

Fear still crept it's way into her heart. “But the buttons?”

Yeza stuck his hands in his pockets. When he removed them he opened his fists and buttons of every shape and colour and material slipped from between his fingers like a sieve.

“I keep every one. I hoped it was you. I hoped so badly, Veth, but I couldn't get up Luke's hopes. I'm sorry, too.”

Overcome, _Veth_ sobbed, hiding her face with her hands.

“Oh don't do that, Veth, honeysuckle.” The rest of the buttons peppered the ground as he moved to embrace her. “Don't cry. You're so brave, Veth. You're so brave and I'm so, so glad you're home. If I'd been as brave as you... maybe this never-”

“Don't you dare blame yourself!” She heard herself say before she consciously acknowledged the thought. “You saved Luke! You saved our baby, our son!”

“Veth, I'm just glad you're alive. Nothing else matters to me. Not what you look like, not how long you've been gone. I've got you back! And if… if you're not happy like this well, then I'll find someone to-to fix it. I will!”

She sobbed heavily into his shoulder, ear tickled by his curly hair. “You kept your sideburns shorter!” She managed through her hiccoughing breaths and fast coming tears.

“Just how you like them.”

He pulled back, just briefly, looking deep into her lantern yellow eyes, and put on hand on his cheek. She looked a mess and she knew it, eyes surely puffy, lower lip wobbling. Yeza only smiled at her. Then, he was drawing her in closer to him, her mind and heart racing and-

The soft press of his lips to hers, over her jagged teeth and all, broke her down completely. Everything simply stopped. She didn’t even react, simply trying to process the fact that Yeza was kissing her. Her husband was _kissing her_. Her husband, who had been kidnapped by goblins, was kissing her still, full knowing, looking right at her horrible goblin face.  After everything he’d been through, he was willing to kiss a goblin because it was her.

Because she was _Veth_ and he loved her.

“Are you okay, Honeysuckle?”

Veth hadn’t even noticed the kiss end. Slowly, shaking, she raised her hand, putting her fingers to her lips gently  in mime of his kiss. It lingered on her skin like the warmth of the first summer sun after a cool spring.

“I-”

“You came back for me. You didn’t break your promise. And I’ll do whatever it take to make you happy again, Veth. Whatever I can do!” He started pacing a bit, something so intimately, naturally, normally _Yeza_ that Veth felt weak in the knees. “Some...some...there’s this beacon they had me working with and it can do ex-extraordinary things! It can, I’m sure it can change you if that’s what you want, but-” His face fell. “I don’t suppose I have it anymore. The Cricks took it.  I’m sorry, I should have-”

Veth put a finger to his lips. “Shh. We don’t need it, Yeza.” She whispered urgently. “There are other ways. Safer ways. Someday. I just...it’s enough to know that, that you still l-love me. I was so scared-”

“Of course I still love you!” He gripped her by the upper arm, a lose hold, but still safe and secure. “Nothing could change that. Nothing. My brave, Veth. My sweet, clever, beautiful Veth.”

_Not smart. Not pretty. Not coordinated. Not brave._

_Just Nott._

_No. Not Nott._

_Veth._

_Always Veth._

The realization passed over her like a strong breeze, sending her careening into him and they fell back onto the cart. Yeza flat on his back, looked up at her with wide, trusting eyes and, if only for a moment, she forgot that the skin she wore wasn’t her own and bent over from where she’d landed in his lap and kissed him firmly. His hand carded through her hair, and another arm went around her waist, pulling her in close as they continued to kiss.

If she were to close her eyes, she could almost pretend that they were in their bed in the home they kept above the Apothecary, Luke sleeping in the room next door, the early morning sunlight beaming in through the window as she and Yeza woke one another with soft, sleepy kisses.

Almost.

She let the dream continue as long as she could before the awkwardness of the position, and the cool breeze wafting over the edge of the cart, and the hard surface of the boards beneath them roused her from it. Their lips parted and she rested her forehead against his, slowing her breaths and her heart.

“Are you alright, Honeysuckle?” Yeza asked again quietly, carefully.

“I’m going to be. Yes,” she smiled. “I’m going to be.”


End file.
